Because of the bleeding throughout my pregnancy, I had another scan at 8 weeks which was amazing. In 2 weeks my little bean with a heartbeat, now looked like an actual tiny baby with a leg in the air. My Mum came to this scan, the first one she had been to with me and was amazed and very emotional to see her grandchild on the screen.
By this time the father had said that he was pretty sure he didn’t want to be involved at all. So I didn’t bother telling him about this scan.
He happened to message me about something unrelated just as I was walking out of the hospital, so at this point I told him I that I had just had another scan and that this time it looked like a baby, I rather than a bean. I asked if he wanted to see, to which he replied, “Sure”. It was all very confusing.
It went on like this for a while, and there were many arguments between us, sometimes I was completely and utterly to blame, and sometimes he was completely to blame. Living together during this situation was very testing and very hard for me, and I am sure for him too. He told me 2 days after I found out that I was pregnant that he was “Seeing how things go” with his ex, which I was completely in shock about as we had spent the night together just 3 days prior. I asked him to respect me enough to not have her over to the house we both lived in at this time, which caused further rows.
A couple of weeks later I said it was ok for her to stay but I felt really uncomfortable each time she came over, and after a situation arose where I felt that I was completely taken the piss out of, I told him that I couldn’t deal with it anymore and that she was no longer welcome. I felt like I was being far too accomodating for him, which in turn meant that he didn’t seem to be in a rush to leave. I couldn’t understand why he would still be renting a room in my home. It was becoming unbearable for me to live with, and I actually went to stay with my Mum for a while to get away from the tension.
My 12 week scan approached and I went with Geri. I was very nervous for this scan as I was still bleeding and I was terrified I could still be at risk of losing the baby, or thought maybe the bleed was there because something else was wrong. On this scan the sonographer is checking the heartbeat, the baby’s measurements to assist with providing an estimated due date, as well as many other things. It turned out that despite the bleed, everything was perfect. The baby looked so different from the last scan, and was now moving around on the screen. It was amazing to watch with Geri, and seeing someone elses reaction at seeing their first real life baby scan.
A further 2 weeks went and the bleeding finally stopped. I would love to be able to tell you that I relaxed after that, but I think once you have a rocky start, you continue to worry about it throughout.
But whilst the worry never completely stopped, I did worry a little less once the bleeding has stopped. I finally really started to enjoy pregnancy, and loved watching my bump grow and change every single day.