Once I had finished work, had my baby shower and completed the nursery, the final things to do were pack my hospital bag and set the chicco next2me co sleeper up in my room.

I started packing my bag 15th September. I wasn’t due until 12th October! I just figured it could happen at any moment by this point . . I say figured, but I mean hoped! I felt like I was pregnant for about 2 years. Finding out so early was a blessing and a curse. A blessing because I knew to stop partying and smoking, and a curse because of how long it makes the pregnancy feel.

Here’s a couple of pics I sent to my friend whilst I was packing my hospital bag.

I was very much enjoying maternity leave, I was told to nap loads before the baby came. I took that advice HAPPILY. I had lots of lazy days in bed watching TV, napping and eating. I remember going out for Karaoke a few evenings and a few dinners.  I did lots of cleaning the house. I became a bit obsessed with cleaning actually, but I just wanted to know that if I did go into labor, the house would be perfect to walk back into with my baby boy.

The day slowly but surely approached and I was booked in for a stretch and sweep. And yes ladies, in my opinion, it is definitely as scary as it sounds. I aint about to sugarcoat this. I think I had my stretch and sweep booked for the Friday before my Due date, I was due on the Monday. I was nervous but really excited that this could help bring on labor. I went in, had a chat with the midwife then got onto the bed ready for the stretch and sweep and, OH MY F*CK did it hurt! She tried to do it but failed. My body was not ready and the cervix was too high. I could have cried, in my head I was screaming. . . “So you’re telling me I just went through that pain for nothing!!!” . . But in true British fashion, I just smiled politely and agreed to book back in for a week and a half later… if I hadn’t had the baby by then.

I left the appointment feeling really deflated that the sweep had failed. It was the first time in a long, long time I had felt really down. The last time I felt this low was when I had the bleed and thought my pregnancy was failing. Once that had stopped I had been so happy and had the best pregnancy, until this point. I was fed up and wanted to meet my little man, I thought this day would bring me closer but it felt like the day was moving further and further away, as crazy as that may sound.

The due date came and went,  and no baby. I had the odd cramps which would get me excited but, false alarm . . of course. 4 days past my due date, I went on a night out in Horsham to Mungos. It was a last minute thing for me, it was planned for my friends but I decided to go last minute instead of moping around the house waiting for labor to start. I went in and was made a lovely alcohol free, fruity cocktail by the barman. It got quite busy which I was always worried about incase I got knocked by anyone, so we sat in a booth inside. We then went back to a friends house and everyone else got drunk, whilst me and Geri stayed sober. Geri was forced to stay sober by yours truly, as she was my birthing partner! Sorry Geri! I had a really good night, all just laughing and chatting .. and as it turned midnight, I announced it was my birthday! 28 AND STILL NO BABY! I thought he would definitely be born by my birthday at least!! I stayed at my friends house until about 1 or 2am and then came back home and crashed out.

The next day I went for a birthday lunch with my Mum, Aunty Ali, and my Nephews Jack and Taylor. (They are actually my cousins kids, but I love them to death and prefer to call them my nephews . . so screw you society) I had a really nice lunch, then went home and chilled out again. I still thought that maybe my little boy would make a birthday appearance. How wrong I was. . .

Here is Jack and Taylor at my birthday lunch;

It might sound crazy but throughout my pregnancy I would have visions of me and my baby, then something would pull me back, and I would think it was too good to be true. I had this nightmare throughout the whole pregnancy, (which I kept to myself) that I wouldn’t be coming home with my baby. I think because of the bleed, and the few times I went in for monitoring, it made me think something might still go wrong. It was heartbreaking and I tried not to think that way, but I did. I did have a really good and happy pregnancy after the bleed, but I would just have this horrible thought every so often. Then now at 5 days overdue this feeling got worse and worse. I read that the more overdue you go, the more at risk you and your baby are. (DON’T GOOGLE STUPID THINGS LIKE I DID) I got really down and I had a few crying moments in my room, alone.

People were messaging me constantly asking if there were any signs of baby coming, and it just got me more and more upset. I know people were just excited for me, but constant messages reminding me in the few minutes I had managed to take my mind off it, that he still wasn’t here just made me more and more upset.

One person that really got me through this last bit was my friend Lauren. She is my half brothers girlfriend, who already had a beautiful little girl called Georgia, and was now pregnant with her second little girl. I believe she was due 3 days before me, so towards the end of our pregnancies we got talking a lot. She was overdue with Georgia previously by 8 days, and had now gone overdue again, at the same time as me. So at least I wasn’t alone and I had someone else going through this misery with me! I felt like she was the only person who really understood how I felt and having her there picked me up a bit, when I was feeling really down. I remember this night on 19th October, I hadn’t really spoken to her as much, so I had a thought that maybe she was having her baby! And she was, baby Olivia was here!  I was so, so happy for her that she had now had her little girl, and could tell me all about the birth . . now please God be my turn!!

The last picture I took of my bump also on the 19th October;

I went back into see the midwife on Wednesday 21st October now 9 days overdue and more fed up than ever. She offered me another sweep which I refused. I was not about to put myself through that pain again for something that was not guaranteed to work. I burst into tears when I was talking to her, explaining how I was really down since leaving my last appointment with her. I explained that I was really struggling and just wanted to have my little boy in my arms. You are usually booked in to be induced on day 12 of being overdue, this was the following Saturday, so my midwide called the hospital to see if they were looking booked up on Saturday, as she didn’t want me to end up not being able to go in on day 12, if he still hadn’t decided to make an appearance on his own. Thank God she called because they said they had a lot of pre bookings that day, so it was unlikely I could be induced then. Usually they would go to the following day, but she looked at me before continuing the conversation, then went back to the lady on the phone and said, “What about a day earlier, what about Friday. My lady is really struggling and I would really like to get her in?”. I have never felt relief like it. She gave them my details then explained I would still have to call them Friday morning to check it was OK to go in, as they cannot plan how many women might still be in there, or get sent there last minute.

Finally. . I left the appointment feeling excited again! 2 more sleeps and I know I would likely, and HOPEFULLY, be going into hospital to meet the love of my life! I cleaned the house excessively the next day, and as I still hadn’t put the chicco next2me side crib up, my Mum and Geri came over to set this up for me.

This is a pic of my room after it was all set up;

I had everything ready to go and I was so excited. I had a few cramps over night also, and thought maybe I would still have a chance of going into natural labor, but no. Wrong again. I woke up about 06.30 and had a shower, did my hair & make up and called the hospital, as advised to do by the midwife, at 07.30. Well 07.24 actually. I was very eager!  They said that yes I could come in today to be induced, and to please be there for 9… I can’t even explain the feelings that I had. Excited, nervous, scared, happy, anxious! You name it, I probably felt it.

So at 08.30, off we went to the hospital! Me, my Mum and Geri.

To be continued …