So I stopped writing after the birth of Dylan. So I’ll do a brief catch up over the next few blogs, of the last 3 and a half years;

I was a single parent for just over a year, and I absolutely loved being a single mum to Dylan. He was the easiest and most adorable baby. Dylan barely ever cried, he slept through the night from just a few weeks old, to the point that I’d have to wake him up for feeds!

He was so chilled out, so smiley, very vocal and loved making noises from just a few days old. Dylan loved when I put my music on, which was a plus, as so did I!

It just made the saying that I live by, even truer. I just kept thinking, “Everything really does happen for a reason”. I felt like I was meant to do this on my own, because I loved every second, and I was a bloody good mum.

At around 4-5 months old, Dylan’s last feed dropped from 23.00 to around 19.30, then he would sleep til between 08.00 and 10.00 every morning. Here is where I’m almost ashamed to say, that the loneliness kicked in.

I loved my new life, but the evenings were lonely, and depression started to creep back in. Once my Angel was fast asleep, I had me, myself and I for company, every single night. I would every so often have a friend or 2 over, but it was really lonely for the most part, and really hard. There were nights I would sit and cry for feeling lonely, then I’d cry even more out of guilt that I felt like this, after having the most amazing baby and love of my life!

I’d go out with friends once every couple of weeks, and I also started talking to people on dating apps. I went a few dates over about a 7 month period, with 3 different guys, but to be honest, they were awful! I mean it was funny and a laugh to look back on, but still awful. One guy was alright because he was fun to be out having a drink with, but it was never any more than that. The other 2, awful. Just awful! On one of the dates, the highlight for me was bumping into Romesh Ranganathan, who made my night! I’d met him once before with my friend Lauren, who he had taught when he was a maths teacher. On my date he’d remembered me, because the last time he’d met me, he’d ripped the piss out of us for going to a one direction concert. (I’m not even ashamed admitting that. We might have been the oldest people there without kids, at the time. But it was a wicked)

After my disastrous dates. I still spoke to people from dating apps in the evening to kill some lonely time, but was dreading going on anymore dates. It seemed like such a waste of time. But, when Dylan had just turned 1, I got talking to a guy on tinder. We got along really well, had mutual friends, banter back and fourth. BUT…. he said he wasn’t looking for more than fun, and I didn’t really just want a fling. So I told him it was nice chatting to him, and we should leave it there. We somehow got talking again, and over the next couple of weeks he would ask me out 3 times. Each time I said no, because we both wanted different things! So what would be the point in dating him? But the 3rd time he asked, he said something along the lines of, “I’m not looking for a relationship but I am open to it for the right person”. I figured that was fair, I didn’t exactly want to get married right away, I just needed to know if I was going on a date, it wasn’t for no reason! So I agreed to go, and I was actually really excited but really nervous, as he was the first guy I’d really hit it off with over messages and audio notes on WhatsApp!

The day came and my friend babysat at mine, whilst Dylan was asleep. It was about 20.30 and I was waiting nervously outside “Hive”, when my phone rang, so I answered it;

Him: “Where are you?”

Me: “I’m waiting for you outside Hive”

Him: “Ok I’ll be 2 secs, DON’T laugh”

I look up to see this 6 foot 4 date of mine, hobbling towards me on crutches, so of course, I laughed. I laughed a lot, and loud! I think it was actually a really good ice breaker, looking back.

We went inside and got a drink and started chatting. The conversation flowed, it didn’t feel awkward at all, we laughed a lot, and we just seemed to have a really easy and fun date. But, like Cinderella, I was meant to be home by midnight. But let’s face it, I ain’t no Cinderella! So as my friend was staying at mine anyway, and I had a baby monitor linked to my phone, I stayed out an extra hour as I was having such a good time.

We messaged back and fourth when I got home, and both deleted tinder (Romance of a modern day, right there) He screenshot me a message he’d sent to his mate, telling him how amazing I was and that he’d had the best date, and I agreed. I am amazing!

Just kidding. I agreed it was a wicked night, such a good date and that I was really looking forward to seeing him again. Over the next 2 weeks I would see him a handful of times. Things moved really fast and I introduced him to Dylan, which I always said I wouldn’t do for months and months. But something was different with him, it just felt so natural and easy. He was amazing with Dylan, which just pulled on my heart strings even more, and I fell head over heels in love.

To be continued…